Life

The Colby Chronicles

Intro

This is part 2 of my college stories. Part 2 is all about one guy that I met at college, who I will call Colby, and all the awkward interactions I had with him. Just so you know, I decided to use fake names for everyone involved. Hopefully these stories are as entertaining for you as they are for me in retrospect.

The Motorcycle Story

I met Colby by accident, when I walked into my first ever class at college. I wasn’t sure if I was in the right room. It turns out he was just leaving at the end of a different class, so when I asked him if this was the right room for my class he didn’t know. Boring interaction. It should have ended there.

But I met him again, in the cafeteria, where he suggested I was stalking him because he saw me everywhere. Not the best way to start a conversation. We exchanged names and chatted briefly before parting ways again. So far so good, relatively commonplace conversation that was going nowhere.

The third time I met Colby was a different story. I was sitting alone at MAP cafeteria and he asked if he could join me. I said sure, why not. I’m shy but I don’t mind unexpected company. And what could go wrong? I didn’t know at the time this guy was a creep.

We engaged in small talk about classes and our differing religious denominations. (At my college, religious topics could end up being heated discussions, especially in this case since he was Protestant and I was Catholic, but we were both pretty chill.) Then he started talking about his motorcycle.

Now, I don’t care much about vehicles, so I was far from impressed that this guy had a pretty motorcycle. Meh.

Then he asked me if I wanted a ride on his motorcycle, and I said no, because I knew almost nothing about this guy and wouldn’t have wanted a motorcycle ride even if he was my best friend.

He continued to suggest we go on a motorcycle ride. He explained that he had once had a friend who was very shy like me, and that she had ridden his motorcycle and loved it. I declined again and again with decreasing politeness until he gave up.

After dinner, I had to go to Rathburn for a meeting, and he asked to escort me. He had no idea where Rathburn was, and I had a sense of humor, so I said sure. Unbenownst to him, Rathburn was the building right beside the cafeteria where we were, so all we did was walk outside and I was there.

The motorcycle nonsense didn’t end there. It turns out my mom knew a friend of his mom. They got to talking, and my mom found out that Colby doesn’t even have a motorcycle. I was more wary of him after that. I don’t know what he would have done if I said yes, and I don’t like to think of what could’ve happened. All I can say is, I’m glad I trusted my instincts.

The Cafeteria Story

Colby had a habit of asking to eat with me and my roommate Afina any time he saw us in the cafeteria. We attempted to avoid him after the whole motorcycle fiasco but were rarely successful.

Colby always wore this leather jacket, and one day he used it to smuggle food out of the cafeteria for his sick roommate. (This was before the pandemic, before there was takeout as an option.) He had asked to eat with us, and told us about what he had done. He had hidden napkins full of onion rings in his jacket, and for condiments had sucked ketchup up straws and bent the tops and hid those in his jacket too.

During the same lunch, he berated Afina for having an unhealthy salad. It was a salad that had hamburger in it, but she just shrugged and said she hadn’t meant for it to be healthy.

The Seduction Story

This one is Afina’s Colby story. She was in the cafeteria, and Colby sidled up to her and asked her if her hair was naturally curly. She explained that it was, especially if she had braided it beforehand.

Colby proceeded to ask her where she lived, and she said MEP. She politely asked where he lived and he listed off one of the men’s dorms and asked if she had ever been there. When she said no, he was astonished.

“What, are you saying you never go there to seduce the men?”

Needless to say, Afina tried to end that conversation quickly.

The Ice Cream Story

One time Colby asked my roommate Afina if he and his three friends could join us in our booth. We were in the line for icecream, and Afina just shrugged and said “Paige is the boss.”

Colby came up to me, and asked again. Now these booths are meant for four people max, and him and his friends plus us would be six people. There was no way I was going to let that happen.

Without looking up from scooping my ice cream, I said no firmly and ignored him until he walked away.

The Notoriety Story

One time I was eating with a group of four girls I did not know well. We got to talking about our strange experiences with a certain guy on campus. Twenty minutes into the conversation we realized we were all talking about the same guy–Colby, and that we all had experienced his flirting and strange behavior. It was certainly a revelation and we got a good laugh out of it. The girls all decided I was his favorite because he didn’t argue much with me. Lucky me.

Conclusion

Those are some of the most memorable moments I’ve had at Grove City College, even if they are not great memories. Whether Colby was holding the door open for thirty people or trying to hack the scheduling system for courses, he always made an impression. After sophomore year I never saw him again, so I assumed he transferred or quit. I’ll never know what happened, but I don’t mind.

Feel free to share your college stories in the comments!

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