Humor, Movies

So Now the Death Stare is Romantic?

Movie Analysis (with spoilers!!):

Twilight (2008)

Rating: 4 out of 10 stars

Intro

This analysis is a spoiler-filled review. If you don’t already know, my reviews that include spoilers are either for phenomenal movies that deserve analysis or movies that invite ridicule. I know many people enjoy the Twilight movies, but they are honestly poorly done and certainly not my style.

My siblings convinced me to watch it. I admit, romance is not my favorite genre, but this movie was particularly bad.

Background

Twilight was produced by Summit Entertainment and released in 2008.

The movie stars Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, and Peter Facinelli.

It can currently be watched on Netflix.

Analysis

The movie starts with 17-year-old Bella Swan leaving home to go live with her dad in Forks, Washington. This is followed by a scene in which Edward Cullen hunts and kills a deer. I think this is supposed to be serious, but seeing a guy come out of nowhere and grab a jumping deer was kind of hilarious. Watch the clip here.

There is something pretty respectable about deer hunting with a gun, but there is nothing remotely respectable about a pale teenager tackling a deer.

Soon afterwards we get to meet Jacob, one of Bella’s closest friends. His father Billy Black chats with them for awhile before trying to run someone over with his wheelchair. Bella hits Jacob with the door of the truck when she opens it, which reminds me of the movie Starstruck in which the heroine is hit by a car door. Both scenes are equally awkward, but the action seemed a little less pointless in Starstruck.

Bella joins in the middle of the semester, in March, and yet almost everyone with a speaking role either knows of her already or instantly is attracted to her. Mike introduces himself after she hits him in the back of the head with a volleyball, and he falls for her quickly. I guess it’s because she hit on him. Get it? With a volleyball?

(That was bad, I know.)

We meet the Cullen kids, who oddly enough are dating each other. I mean, I know that they are not technically biologically siblings, but it is still kind of strange to see the children of one family all around the exact same age and in love with each other.

The Cullen Teens

Immediately we get the first dramatic stare between Bella Swan and Edward Cullen. Now, if Edward’s stares were comparable to anything, it would be the infamous Luigi Death Stare from the Mariokart games.

When Bella walks in to the Biology classroom, there is a fan behind her that blows her hair around. I guess that’s supposed to be attractive, but really, it’s just awkward and contrived. And why is that giant fan even necessary? It’s March in a setting that is almost always rainy or overcast.

Bella ends up sitting beside Edward, who is obviously extremely uncomfortable. Something about Bella really rubs him the wrong way.

Notice the wings of the owl right behind Edward, making him look like some pasty-looking angel.

Anyway, Bella finds out Edward tried to quit Biology because he had to sit next to her and is understandably confused and annoyed.

Meanwhile, random people are being hunted and killed by vampires. My instinct was to blame the pale Cullen family, but apparently they are goodie-goodie vampires. Or what was it Edward said? That they were basically vegetarians. Who drink the blood of animals. So basically the opposite of a vegetarian…Yeah, he’s pretty bad at metaphors.

Despite the fact the relationship between Bella and Edward is supposed to be all romantic and cute, they have zero chemistry. They discuss the weather. They have apparently nothing in common. Edward apologizes, saying he is just trying to figure her out, as if she is a complex math problem instead of a one-note protagonist.

Then more staring until finally, the action starts! Bella almost is hit by a vehicle, which Edward stops easily with a hand. Before sneaking away, he stares deep into Bella’s eyes.

Then Bella dreams of Edward in her room. Or that is what she says happened. But I’m pretty sure if you’re awake when it happens, it’s either a hallucination or reality–not a dream. Later we will find out it’s the latter, which is so freakin’ creepy. Edward would literally be the perfect murderer if he was not a lovesick vampire.

“Bella, we shouldn’t be friends,” Edward says randomly a few days after their awkward interaction about the weather and Bella’s rescue from certain death. Bella really wants to be besties, however, because she won’t let him off the hook. He makes some stupid excuses suggesting he didn’t actually stop a car with his bare hands. Honestly, you would think someone who hid over a hundred years in plain sight would get used to lying about supernatural powers.

There’s a subsequent scene where an apple is dropped and it looks super unlikely and seems to serve no purpose. You can watch it here in the first few seconds of the video. The only reason I can think of for it being in the movie at all is that it could be a subtle reference to the cover art of Twilight.

Edward suggests that he is the bad guy in the story, which is not necessarily true. He’s just a 108-year-old man child who watches a girl minor sleep without her permission or knowledge long before they started dating.

You know what? Maybe he is a bad guy.

Another human bites the dust when the nomadic vampires come to feast again. Their fast movements look basically like the film was fast forwarded, not realistic at all.

Bella and her friends go dress shopping, but Bella is not into it. Clearly it’s another one of those “not like the other girls” tropes.

After dress shopping, poor helpless Bella is rescued from a bunch of potential rapists by Edward, who has been stalking her. He stares them down until they leave.

You heard me. He stares at them. I mean look at this. Wouldn’t it scare you away?

The Stare

I mean, it does make me uncomfortable. But I don’t see how it would be sufficient deterrent for a rowdy bunch of drunk rapists.

Edward tells Bella to distract him so he doesn’t go back and kill the men who were threatening Bella. Apparently that doesn’t clue her off to the fact that maybe, just maybe, he isn’t just a hot guy. On that note–he really isn’t, according to both of my siblings. I never think of people as hot, nor do I really understand what makes someone hot, so I can’t speak my mind on the subject, but I trust my siblings. This dude is not hot.

Then they bond over the fact that they both know the square root of pi. Now being a nerd is cool, in my opinion, but I still don’t like Bella or Edward, and especially not Bella and Edward.

He cannot read her mind, which is definitely not explained, at least in this movie. He can read everyone else’s mind, except hers. Now that makes me think of Nendo. In The Disastrous Life of Saiki K, Saiki K can read everyone’s mind, including animals, but he can’t read Nendo’s mind. Why? Because Nendo is so abysmally stupid. Maybe he can’t read her mind because she doesn’t think?

Edward has all these lackluster pick up lines that are creepy for any guy to use who doesn’t know her well. “I feel very protective of you” and “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.”

His hands are always cold, which I don’t know why she is cool with, because she literally says earlier how she dislikes cold things like rain.

Bella studies vampires when she gets the chance, reading articles in particular about Egyptian vampires. Because obviously if you are looking for info about vampires in the U.S., Egypt is the place to study.

Bella says the Edward is a vampire and he admits to it.

He also says he is 17 years old and has been for a long time. Now that’s simply inaccurate. If people were assigned ages based on appearance, I would have been marked down as a 12-year-old even when I was 17. No, age is based on how many years have elapsed since one’s birth. So yeah, he’s 108 years old.

Edward gives Bella an awkward superspeed piggy back ride to the top of the mountain to show off his sparkly skin. What’s better than a pasty vampire, you wonder? A bedazzled one, clearly. He seems to think he is hideous, but Bella apparently is attracted to people who could be used as disco balls.

And people who have killed. And people who subsist on blood. And people who literally have to resist the urge to eat her.

Edward compares their budding relationship to a lion falling in love with a lamb. This guy sucks at pickup lines. I mean, comparing yourself to a predator and your crush to prey is not the best way to get a date. But man, Bella is digging it.

Edward takes Bella to his house, where everyone is awkwardly nice to her except Rosalie, who without provocation destroys a poor salad bowl. The others do their best to whip up some dinner for her, but obviously are as clueless as me when it comes to cooking.

As they walk to Edward’s bedroom, they pass a wall of graduation caps. The five Cullen kids have graduated countless times, and all I can think is why? Why don’t they get jobs? Or move on? Why do they think they need to repeat high school in a new place over and over again.

There we learn that Edward doesn’t sleep, but we knew that. He wouldn’t have time anyway, what with watching Bella sleep.

They attempt dancing in the room, but Bella is reluctant and doesn’t really feel like it. He says, “Well, I could always make you.”

Um, what?

Then he calls her his spider monkey and carries her into the trees on his back. Spider monkey. That’s so cringey.

After more awkwardness, this interaction is finally over.

She has some father-daughter time. Her dad orders for them at the restaurant, picking a steak for himself and a salad for her. If my dad did that, I would be less than thrilled.

Next, a kissing scene that looks like…just not right. I’ve seen a lot of people kiss on TV, and their kissing looks more like the kissing from Jumanji than anything actually romantic.

The only other interesting things that happen in this movie is vampire baseball and the actual villain hunting Bella. And the baseball is just a bunch of superpowered people playing so loudly the thunder has to mask it. Then a rival team shows up, a bunch of vampires that want to play until they smell Bella. Then they just want a snack. (They have really short attention spans.)

One of them, James, hunts Bella until the end of the movie where he is burnt alive, but not before biting Bella. Yep, that got dark real quick.

Bella has vampire venom in her, which Edward sucks out of her. He is almost unable to stop himself from sucking out all her blood, but hey, no harm done.

She wakes up in a hospital bed with a broken leg.

The movie ends with a prom. I guess he did make her dance after all.

Conclusion

Overall, Twilight is a bizarre and unconvincing romance. If this is what romance is supposed to look like, I want nothing to do with it. I would not recommend it for any audience, unless you just want a few laughs.

Rating System

If you are interested in how I rate movies, check out my rating system.

Links

Acknowledgements

Thank you to Finch for their feedback on this article.

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Movies

The Best and Worst of The Princess Bride

Intro

I love this movie. I was first introduced to The Princess Bride as a child, and watched it again as a college student, and then a third time as a master’s student. It’s hilarious from beginning to end, with a few serious parts spliced in for dramatic effect.

Just as a warning, there are spoilers below!

Background

The Princess Bride (1987) is a fantasy comedy film based on the novel of the same name written by William Goldman.

It can currently be watched on Disney Plus.

The Best and Worst of The Princess Bride

An Expertly Done Frame Story

The Best:

The frame narrative of the ailing grandson becoming increasingly interested in his grandfather’s enchanting book is heartwarming. The interruptions to return to this frame story are well placed and add to both the suspense and the character of the film. I do not usually like frame stories, but I felt that this one is well done and adds rather than detracts from the story.

I love the way that the grandfather brings the book as a wrapped present for his grandson. It reminds me of when the library at my college wrapped books so that people could take them home and get a surprise. I chose one myself and was delightfully surprised with a story that I never would have picked out myself but that I enjoyed more than expected.

The kid’s response is priceless. He is not excited by a musty old book. (I definitely would have been even as a child.)

The Worst:

That the sick grandson is disinterested in his cheek-pinching grandfather and more apt to play video games than read is stereotypical of the way kids are portrayed in the media. That is not all that surprising, especially since it is often true of children that they are not especially likely to listen to the wisdom of their elders over the clever banter of a television or mobile device. It’s an old movie though, so ideas like this that are now overused were much newer and less worn out than they are now.

The Details:

Did you notice the assortment of Christmas themed craft projects in the room? When the camera shifts and you get a glimpse of the entirety of each figure, you see the creepiness that only the vaguely humanoid creations of children can impart. Or maybe it’s because I have always thought Santa was creepy. I mean, supposedly he sees you when you’re sleeping, like some sort of Twilight vampire.

Also, the kid has Garfield in the background of his room, which I can appreciate. Garfield is just plain funny. (Yeah, I like old stuff…)

Plus, am I the only one grossed out when people lick a finger before turning a page? When is that ever necessary? I have read hundreds, possibly even a couple thousand unique books, and I have never felt that the pages were so hard to turn that only my saliva would do the trick.

“As You Wish”

The Best: Now I don’t love romance, but I think it’s pretty sweet that Westley says “as you wish” to mean “I love you.” The fact that she convinces him to do things such as fetch a pitcher that’s hanging inches from her head in order to spend more time with him is kind of cute too.

Inconceivable

The Best: Vizzini keeps using this phrase as Westley is chasing him, adding humor to the dark scene of them kidnapping and planning to kill Buttercup.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Inigo Montoya

Fight Scene: Inigo vs. Westley

The Best:

Inigo Montoya’s fight with Westley is priceless. It begins with Inigo impatient with how long it is taking Westley to scale the cliffs, so in a display of foolish yet goodhearted sportsmanship, he throws him a rope. The level of trust becomes ridiculous when Inigo hands his sword over to Westley to inspect. Yet this is not poorly done, it is merely the revelation of a well-developed character who will have his own fascinating character arc. Including left-handed fighting for characters who are right-handed was clever too.

The Worst: The weapons are very strange choices, being long and thin rapier-style blades. At least Westley as a pirate is unlikely to have such a blade. Unlike real rapiers, they wobble at their tips considerably. The fight, with its spins and flips at times, is far from realistic, but I find myself not minding much because it’s a comedy.

Predicting the Future

Fezzik: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?

Westley: Oh no. It’s just they’re terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.

The Best: Westley successfully predicted the future! Everyone is wearing masks these days!

The Worst: Westley lied to us. They are not terribly comfortable, and for people who wear glasses like me, they tend to fog up glasses and impede sight, at least in winter.

The Details: Westley’s mask covers the top half of his face rather than the bottom half, so maybe it is more comfortable for him? I kind of doubt it.

The Battle of Wits

The Best: Vizzini, unlike Fezzik or Inigo, is no expert when it comes to physical prowess. He engages in a mental game with Westley, but it turns out to be a no-win situation for Vizzini. Cleverly, Westley puts poison in both drinks and convinces Vizzini that he must pick the one that is not poisoned and they will both drink at the same time. Only, Westley has built up an immunity to the poison and thus does not feel its effects. Vizzini’s intellect is at least not as immense as he believes that Australians are all criminals and thus do not trust each other and somehow connects that to the challenge at hand. It’s all very funny.

Westley being difficult

The Worst: Westley treating Buttercup like she’s unfaithful is terrible. She thought he was dead for five years. She should be permitted to move on! Instead he says the promise of a woman means nothing, and that she is incapable of love. It is like Odysseus questioning Penelope’s loyalty after being gone so long, after she had been nothing but loyal to him.

Westley’s Death

The Worst: Something about the whole death scene bugs me. You know from the beginning Westley cannot die in a comedy, since he is the hero. “Mostly” dead is funny, but not convincing.

Fight Scene: Inigo vs. Count Rugen

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

The Best: We finally get to see Inigo avenge his father. I hate the point where Inigo is seriously wounded with a knife because I remember that was when I thought he might fail, forgetting that this movie is a comedy. This is probably the most serious part in the whole movie. Rugen is a complete coward, initially running away, throwing a knife from afar. This is not the honorable fight that we saw in Inigo vs. Westley. Inigo echoes the wounds Rugen gave him, including the facial scars, before killing him.

A Fight to the Pain

The Best: Westley challenges Humperdinck to a “fight to the pain,” which is basically a way to leave someone alive but barely after a fight, but the way he speaks of it is frightening and scares Humperdinck into surrendering, even though it is a bluff. It’s creative the way he chooses how to cause the most pain.

Conclusion

The Princess Bride is a classic that you won’t want to miss if you haven’t already watched it.

Recommended Links

  • A great Youtube video breakdown of the Inigo vs. Westley fight by Jill Bearup
  • A great Youtube video breakdown of Inigo vs. Rugen fight by Jill Bearup

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Movies

Soylent Green in a Kids Movie?!

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2 | Sony Pictures Entertainment

Movie Analysis:

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2

Rating: 2 out of 10 stars

Intro

This analysis is a spoiler-filled review. If you don’t already know, my reviews that include spoilers are either for phenomenal movies that deserve analysis or movies that suck and invite ridicule.

This movie is one of those that is only good for poking fun at. Just because it’s a sequel doesn’t mean it should be cut some slack. If you don’t have a decent idea, don’t make a sequel. It’s that simple.

Below is a thorough analysis of this disturbing kids movie. Where does the Soylent Green come in? Read on to find out.

Background

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 was produced by Sony Pictures Animation and released in 2013. It fits into the genres of Adventure and Comedy.

The movie stars Bill Hader, Anna Faris, Will Forte, Andy Samberg, Neil Patrick Harris, Benjamin Bratt, Terry Crews, Kristen Schaal, and James Caan.

It is the sequel to Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. In the original movie, Flynn Lockwood creates the FLDSMDFR (Flint Lockwood Diatonic Super Mutating Dynamic Food Replicator) to create food from water. When it accidentally rockets into the sky, it begins to rain food.

This goes all wrong when the new food weather gets out of control. Flint Lockwood is forced to shut down the FLDSMDFR for good. Or so he thinks…

Apparently, he failed to shut it down forever. Thus, a sequel was born.

LAST WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Analysis

The movie begins with a flashback to young Flint Lockwood. He’s a cute little kid with a head comprising almost half of his body. You can tell that’s not normal because Cal Devereaux, another kid from the same movie, has a head that is a third of his body. How does poor little Flint even stand upright?

10 Flint Lockwood ideas | flint lockwood, lockwood, flint
Cal Devereaux Voices (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) - Behind The Voice  Actors

Anyway, it flashes back to a young Flint Lockwood fawning over his childhood idol, Chester V.

Chester V is the completely not evil scientist who inspired Flint. He was not mentioned in the first movie because…I guess it was cuter for Flint to be inspired by his mom. Nah, I’m kidding. They obviously hadn’t thought up Chester V yet.

So Chester V is on television and lies about how he made his first invention as a teenager. Later on he tells Flint that his first invention was created when he was 3 years old, but let’s not be concerned about that discrepancy.

They always pronounce his name like “Vee.” That’s weird if it’s a Roman numeral, because you would say “Chester the fifth.” If it’s not a Roman numeral, that’s also weird because I cannot think of a single person I have ever heard of with a last name of only one letter. I guess it’s possible, just a little out-of-the-ordinary.

Review of the movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 | by Mario Gomes |  Medium

Perhaps the most amusing part of this movie is the way the characters say FLDSMDFR, pronouncing it as if it were a normal word instead of an acronym. To hear how it is pronounced, click here.

The characters include Flynn the scientist, Sam Sparks the meteorologist and love interest, Tim the dad, Brent McHale the reformed bully, Manny the Guatemalan cameraman, Earl Devereaux the policeman, and Steve the monkey.

Flint and his friends come up with this plan for a lab. Since they are unbelievably childish, they do cutesy drawings of themselves on a paper and label it Sparkswood. The dad apparently has no drawing skills because instead of drawing himself, he just writes his name.

Then Chester V (hologram version) shows up to announce that everyone must leave the island and stay in San Franjose, California while he and his Thinkquanauts initiate clean-up on the island.

After buffering, the hologram of Chester V gives Flint an offer to work for him, which Flint declines at first because of the plans for Sparkswood. (The holograms never buffer again in the movie.) Sam Sparks convinces him to take the offer, however.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 3D Blu-ray Release Date January 28,  2014 (Blu-ray 3D + Blu-ray + DVD)

Then we get a scene where all of Flint’s friends supporting him. The shot includes some random bearded character who is apparently named Joe Towne. He’s not a friend; he’s just kind of awkwardly there.

He has no character development. He’s just an extra, a professional photobomber apparently there to add to the comedy.

Next, the Chester V hologram contacts the real Chester V. And that makes it all too obvious that the creators don’t understand how holograms work. They are supposed to be like projections, but this one is apparently sentient. In fact, none of Chester V’s holograms act like actual holograms. His most impressive achievement was probably the creation of projections with minds of their own.

The inhabitants of Swallow Falls all move temporarily to San Franjose, California, where they start new jobs and lives. Our old friend Joe Towne turns out to be the new bus driver for Live Corp. There is an awkward instance where he breaks the fourth wall, smiling directly at the camera instead of at any person.

Live Corp is giant building shaped like a lightbulb. There we meet Barb, who is an…

an orangutan with a human brain inside my ape brain…like a turducken!”

Barb

To me that seems like both animal abuse and a human rights violation. That poor innocent ape with combined brains…and where did they get the human brain?

Barb is an ape scientist with pink glittery nail polish, purple fur, purple eyes, and human-like hair. A disturbing combination, admittedly.

Flint gets a drink made of coffee with milk, and acts like the combo has literally just been invented by Live Corp. Come on Live Corp–is that the best you can do? The cup is all futuristic with its many edges, but all that’s in it is coffee with milk.

Then there is an uncomfortable moment when Steve the monkey spits out his coffee and exclaims “hot!” A woman immediately flirts with him, saying “not too bad yourself, monkey.” People flirting with animals is creepy. Period.

A running gag is that Flint’s nose keeps getting stuck in doors. It was mildly amusing the first time, but after that, it was just annoying.

Just like in the first movie, when characters type, it looks like are slapping the keyboard repeatedly and as clumsily as possible. I wish I could type like that. It would be amusing.

After traveling in a futuristic elevator, Flint is dropped off in a cubicle. He immediately submits as many of his inventions as possible.

One of them could basically be a murder machine.

Fork-And-Knife-And-Spooninator by KID-Z4P on DeviantArt

As soon as we see the flashback to when Flint tried the experiment, it shows a machine that shoves knives, forks, and spoons rapidly into his father Tim’s mouth. That thing could have killed him! It obviously had no control. If it didn’t stab him to death, than it certainly could have choked him to death.

Not too long afterwards, we get to see the vesting ceremony, where a promising scientist is chosen to be the next thinkquanaut and wear the much sought-after orange vest.

First, Chester announces that “Food Bar Version 8.0” will be available soon.

Then, in a very predictable turn-of-events, Flint is not chosen, but someone else who is also from an island, has unruly hair, and whose name happens to be Flint as well wins it instead.

And guess how he won? No, you won’t be able to. He won with a car that runs on “cute.”

Wait…what? Well, it is an animated family film, so whatever.

But then he opens the fuel tank and there is a cat in there. That is wrong on so many levels. More animal abuse.

The whole time, Chester V’s hands are moving like clockwork–without stop, flowing constantly into new positions. It’s mesmerizing.

Then Steve sets off Flint’s celebration machine, which explodes with paint and glitter and causes the whole stadium to laugh at him.

Meanwhile, Chester V is worried because two squadrons of his thinkquanauts were killed by foodimals (living food) while looking for the FLDSMDFR for nefarious purposes. They are obviously not on the island for cleanup like they said they were.

A bunch of people were actually killed by these foodimals. That’s really dark for a kids movie. Sure, they don’t show it, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. (If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it…)

But Chester’s mostly worried because he’s running out of alphabet letters to name his squadrons after. He decides their only option is to find someone who is simultaneously naïve and smart. Obviously Flint. After his celebration display at the vesting ceremony, that was super apparent.

Meanwhile, Flint is miserable and faceplants into his bed. His dad and Sam apparently assumed he would get the vest even though every single invention he’s made has ended in some sort of failure or un-natural disaster. They think this even though there were hundreds of candidates who have been working at Life Corp for years, and Flint has only been working there for like, a day. So his dad and Sam present him with matching vest-themed cakes to celebrate, making it even more humiliating.

Sam tries to make Flint feel better by saying

Everyone gets humiliated on national television. It’s not a big deal.”

That’s obviously far from true, but maybe that’s what Sam likes to tell herself too, since she was humiliated on television in the first movie.

Not long after, Barb knocks on the door. The dad answers, and realizes she’s the same ape from Flint’s poster.

Flint is told that Chester V wants to see him, and they have a secret meeting back at Live Corp. His holograms are doing all sorts of things, none of which the real Chester V is doing. All of them are doing completely different things too, which makes no sense.

Chester shows him a clip of foodimals attacking a Live Corp base, and then trying to swim. He cites this as proof the foodimals will reach civilization and wreak havoc, even destroying the Statue of Liberty. Since the food weather was destructive to start with, Flint isn’t too keen with the idea of his inventions causing more trouble.

He agrees to go alone to Swallow Falls to rid the world of foodimals by using the BS-USB to shut down the FLDSMDFR. BS-USB stands for bifurcating systematic universal stop button. What were you thinking? This is a kids movie, after all.

He says he will tell no one, so of course he immediately tells all of his friends. They are all working different jobs now.

Sam, he tells first, because she is the all-important love interest. She apparently is a complete zombie if you catch her at the wrong time.

Earl next…

Earl is working as a barista at a cupcake shop. Notice he has no facial hair in this picture. He basically makes a muscle and it grows back instantly. I wish I could change my hair style whenever I wanted with no consequences. That’s a pretty cool power.

Earl’s son Cal tries to convince his dad he can come by showing off a single chest hair, which is actually just a loop of icing, but his dad catches on.

Manny is now a veterinarian, and when he is recruited he leaves behind a cow giving birth…which is disturbing.

Brent is in a chicken costume, because the creators just couldn’t let that joke go. When tossing his sign, it ends up stuck between his buttocks. Then he gets a tree to cover his shift and joins them.

Flint tries to convince his friends that they can travel through his grocery deliverator, but after Steve is thrown back out twitching, they decide against it.

Grocery deliverator | Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs Wiki | Fandom

Then Flint’s dad shows up with a boat and Flint is irritated, because no one wants their dad tagging along on a secret mission. He might get hurt–or worse, get in the way!

Pretty much everyone acts like a child in this movie, with the exception of the dad and Manny, so I think having at least a couple half-responsible people on the mission would be ideal.

On the way, they sing 99 buckets of chum in the boat, which is as obnoxious as it sounds.

Then the food puns come along.

“If we all work together, this will be easy as….PIE.” Cue giant slices of pie in the water.

“Oh no, we’re TOAST.” Cue giant slices of toast.

“This is totally BANANAS.” You guessed it–giant bananas jutting out of the water like rocks.

Dear ol’ dad is left on the boat because he’s too old to help apparently. Don’t feel too bad for him. He’ll come back in later.

They reach the Live Corp base and find it is covered with cheese webs. Earl utters the predictable line

I’m gonna cut the cheese.”

Of course, there is the expected flatulence right when Earl slices through the cheese webs.

They all go in, guns at the ready. Just kidding. This is a kids movie, so I guess they were not allowed to have actual guns. Instead they point their fingers like guns in a display of mock self-defense.

Then they meet a sentient strawberry that Sam names Barry. Flint is terrified of him. I actually think strawberries with eyes are kind of freaky too.

So, Sam does what any person would do to help someone conquer their fears–shoves it in their face.

If I had a friend who was afraid of spiders and who couldn’t appreciate spiders like I do, I wouldn’t be a jerk and shove one in their face. How exactly would that help the situation?

Then Barry swallows the BS-USB, and the team runs after him and beholds a fascinating wonderland of foodimals.

I admit, it’s kind of interesting. Except the one below. That one is nightmare fuel.

It’s so beautiful apparently, it’s enough to make a man cry. But not Earl. When a tear sneaks down his cheek, he demands it back into his eye. Seriously, this man has bodily superpowers beyond reason.

Barry floats away, and the team follows in a makeshift boat. As if this movie wasn’t groanworthy enough, there’s another food pun.

There’s a leek in the boat. Get it? Cuz there’s a…oh, never mind.

Then Steve has a little fight with a Shrimpanzee, because why not? Now this kind of is odd to me. This is an animal made of the dead body of another animal–dead shrimp. It’s basically a mutated zombie, a form of undead. Just sayin’–the walking dead make an appearance on a kids movie and no one even seems to notice it.

Flint sees all of these foodimals are sentient and behave like normal animals. Many of them are peaceful herbivores. Yet he still thinks, lets plug in the BS-USB and kill them all, because they will obviously bring devastation to mankind.

Then they are actually given a reason to fear foodimals. A cheespider attacks them unprovoked–or so it seems. It actually recognizes the orange on their backpacks as associated with Live Corp, which it hates.

My Thoughts: CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2 (2013) – The Animation  Commendation

As they run away, Brent loses his chicken costume and is left wearing a diaper that’s apparently not fresh. I know that’s supposed to be funny, but it’s pretty gross.

They are rescued only by the sudden appearance of Chester V himself riding in a helicopter. Barb came along, and her first meeting with Sam goes sour. Both claim to be scientists, but Barb insists that meteorology is basically the science of looking pretty and pointing at a map. Then Barb is even more irritated when she realizes Sam is hiding Barry in her backpack.

When asked why, Flint tries to think of a good explanation but finally settles on the truth–that Barry swallowed the BS-USB. Barb immediately pulls a knife and decides she’s going to cut him open.

They are all understandably freaked out, and Barry…ejects the BS-USB along with a pile of jam. Flint picks it up, and Steve licks off the strawberry feces. I know, that’s barf-worthy.

Next we get to see Tim, Flint’s dad, and he is visiting his old shop where he expects to find sardines to eat. He finds the whole stash has been raided except for some that he locked away in a safe.

A bunch of dill pickles discover him and demand that he get more sardines for him. Because that’s totally dill pickle behavior. Vegetables that eat meat. That’s just messed up.

We switch back to the rest of the team. Brent is wearing a pair of Flint’s jeans, which he refers to as “skinny jeans.” He keeps using the stupid catchphrase he had when he was in advertising as Baby Brent in the first movie, saying “Uh-oh” all the time.

They find the lab and it’s hanging far above their heads. The only way to get up there is a tube. When Chester V and Flint get up there, Flint almost falls and Chester catches him by his underpants.

That’s unbelievably creepy. Who would reach inside someone’s pants and grab their underpants to stop them from falling. That’s just wrong.

Then we learn his underpants are extremely stretchy in order to be wedgie-proof. Chester V has the same kind of underwear, and it is revealed that they haven’t changed their underwear since they were very young children. In Chester’s case, he was three years old when he started wearing it. Ew.

Somehow Barb easily holds both up by their underwear as they dive into the lab, despite the fact that they both probably weigh at least close to her weight.

While they are down there, Chester V explains to Flint that he can’t trust Brent, because once a bully, always a bully. He says:

Stew offered by a bully is poisoned broth.”

That night, we get the scene that the comment above foreshadowed–Brent literally offers Flint stew, which Flint knocks out of his hand.

They said that Flint was acting jerky. And yes, the obnoxious monkey was holding a piece of jerky. The food puns never end…

Sam and Flint have a heart-to-heart discussion, and Barb and Chester spy on them. Chester calls Barb a monkey, which he’s done tons of times since the beginning of the movie. This sets up the later betrayal in a super obvious way. This is exactly what happened in the first movie. The Mayor didn’t appreciate Brent and Brent switched sides. Both the Mayor and Chester V acted as father figures to Flint because his real father was incompetent. This is all starting to get super predictable.

Then Tim teaches the dill pickles how to fish, I guess so they can replace Flint who always refuses to fish with his dad.

After some more jungle travel, the rest of the team happens upon a Tacodile Supreme.

Tacodile Supreme | Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs Wiki | Fandom

Flint rescues Barb, thus setting up a reason for Barb to betray her master later on–her enemies are kinder than her friend.

Then, to remind us that foodimals don’t deserve to die, we get to see a (cute?) family of Tacodiles and find out that Mrs. Tacodile Supreme was just trying to protect her young.

When they reach the maple syrup swamp, tensions rise.

Sam tells Flint that she doesn’t think they should kill all the foodimals, which seems like a legitimate opinion, but Flint doesn’t think so and pretty much tells her that her opinions don’t matter.

Sam and the rest of Flint’s friends leave.

The feces-stained Sparkswood plan gets left behind in the syrup, picked up by Flint.

Flint, Chester V, and Barb go on without them and reach Rock Candy Mountain.

Flint uses a donut as a spyglass before heading in. Seriously, almost no one in this movie acts like an adult.

When Sam and the rest of Flint’s friends go back to the base, they are attacked by the Cheespider.

In a move straight from How to Train Your Dragon, Sam places her hand on the Cheespider’s head and tames it. The Cheespider flops over, and Sam says:

I think she wants you to scratch her buns.”

That sounds incredibly inappropriate. It gets even weirder when Brent says, “I like that too,” and actually scratches the Cheespider’s buns…

They then discover that live backwards spells evil, so Live Corp must be evil. That’s pretty flimsy reasoning at best. After all, most people don’t think they are evil even if what they are doing is evil. Putting it in the name on purpose is really odd. But they take this as conclusive evidence.

The thinkquanauts catch them before they can warn Flint and freeze them and the Cheespider.

Flint reaches the FLDSMDFR and is about to use the BS-USB on it before seeing it give birth to a marshmallow and deciding it’s worth saving after all.

Then Flint and Chester V get into a fight that includes nose sparring and an expert throw that lands the BS-USB right into the USB port.

It turns out the USB actually is BS, because it reprograms the machine instead of destroying it.

Chester V pushes Flint, causing him to plummet to what should have been his death.

Meanwhile, Flint’s friends are brought to a large Live Corp base, weakening Barb’s connection to Chester V in the meantime by reminding her how he always calls her monkey.

The marshmallow creatures bring Flint to his dad in Dilltown, where he learns that his friends were taken by the Sentinels of Safety (those thinkquanauts that came to the island with Chester V.)

Barry calls out to all the foodimals. He is apparently very good at projecting his voice and at persuasion because all the foodimals within a long distance come along to help.

A lettuce pun follows that is not worth repeating, then Barry translates what Flint is saying to the other foodimals by saying exactly the same thing but in a different voice. I don’t know how that would help, but it does.

Then Tim tells Flint he could launch Flint to the base where Flint’s friends are being held with a big fishing rod. Now, this is just not how Tim usually thinks. Fishing is his life, but imagination is not one of the skills in his repertoire. As a result, this is extremely out of character.

Then he says how it should be a piece of cake, and big surprise, there’s a piece of cake. All this food wordplay is getting old…

They make a giant vehicle that can be thrown by a makeshift giant fishing rod, and use a blueberry’s bodily fluid to write on it.

Flint and Barry get launched into the Live Corp base and find the foodimals in tubes in the wall. Barry uses the Grocery Deliverator to transport them away.

Another leek in the boat joke…

Flint finds Chester V and threatens him with spray on shoes, which is a valid threat because whatever comes in those cans is unremovable. He could clog Chester’s mouth or nose and kill him that way.

Here comes the soylent green part. It’s an old reference–to a movie in which there is a food made out of people.

Flint’s friends are revealed as they are lowered toward a grinder, and Chester V says he’s going to make them into food bars.

He then explains that he’s going to make the foodimals into food bars! Wait, food made out of animals–isn’t that like…normal? Why is he acting like this is illegal?

Sam is so horrified, she says:

You’re a monster. Those are living creatures!”

I wonder if she ever made the connection between hamburgers and cows…

Chester V promises not to make Flint’s friends into food bars if he drops the spray-on shoes. Predictably, he changes his mind as soon as Flint does and decides to turn them into meat bars anyway.

Barb is shocked, and you can see the impending betrayal written all over her little ape face.

Chester V calls her a monkey again, which is another nail in his coffin.

Chester then breaks into holograms to prevent Flint from saving his friends by grabbing the controller for the grinder.

Since the tape binding Flint’s friends is police tape, Earl refuses to break it. That’s probably best because if it broke, they would plummet into the grinder.

Flint proves that the fork-knife-and-spoon-inator is a murder weapon by throwing it at a Chester hologram as it stabbed rapidly. Since when was he carrying that? It’s not something that you can conceal,

Flint then uses the celebrate button to spray all the holograms with glitter and paint so he can find the real Chester and steal the controls. He saves his friends.

Chester tries to escape, and when he tries to get Barb to rescue him, he calls her a monkey. Dumb movie. Betrayal time.

He falls and asks his holograms to catch him, but the fail because duh, they’re holograms. Then he falls into the grinder but manages to survive by pulling his entire body into his vest. Don’t ask me how that’s possible. That’s a superpower in itself.

Then the Cheespider eats him, all except for his clothes. Yep, he’s dead. Eaten alive.

Then the FLDSMDFR is put back into commission and the foodimals and people live happily after…

There’s extra stuff though. Like when Earl’s fallen tear makes a blueberry grow chest hair, and the FLDSMDFR makes babies, Flint learns to fish in the most pathetic way possible, and Barb develops a crush on Steve.

Then it really is THE END.

Conclusion

So what I’ve learned from this movie is that eating anything that once breathed makes you a monster, and that animal abuse is supposed to be funny in certain contexts.

Just kidding–that’s just what the message of the movie seemed to be. I learned nothing from this movie, and feel like a few brain cells were killed by its stupidity.

It’s a kid movie, but the only reason I could see a kid liking it is because of all the cool-looking foodimals and the good animation.

I do not recommend it for any audience.

Movies

I’m Gonna Spoil This Movie and You’re Gonna Enjoy it

Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale - Wikipedia

Intro

This analysis contains spoilers for Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale. Continue at your own risk!

So, why bother writing a spoiler-filled analysis of a movie?

There are two possible reasons:

One is that the movie is so good that it deserves analysis for the sake of learning from it. That is not what happened here.

The other possible reason is that there are times in life when one watches a movie so cringy and horrible that one makes fun of it merely to make the whole thing bearable.

This was that kind of movie. Kind of so bad it’s good…but not enough to justify seeing it.

Background

Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale was released in 2010. (Since it is not even that old a movie, it has no excuse for being so bad…)

It is a musical that rightfully is labeled with the genres of Comedy and Drama. However, it is comedic for all the wrong reasons and takes drama to a whole new level.

Analysis

The movie starts with some music and outdated-looking animations. The music is not too bad, but the animations are kind of odd. For instance, cartoon main character is about to kiss a guy when poof! He turns into her arch nemesis Stephanie.

Imagine. You’re about to kiss your crush. You’re going in for the smooch, and then bam! You’re inches away from kissing the person you hate most in the world instead.

Then there is another time when a butterfly lands on her breast and turns into part of her clothes, which was a little uncomfortable. Then it ZOOMS in on the butterfly. I mean, even though this movie is aimed at a teen audience, this is supposed to be a movie kids can watch….it’s kind of weird for the camera to dive into her cartoon bosom, even if it is properly clothed.

Then the actual plot begins. Elle Daniels, a young singer/songwriter, flunks her audition for Berklee, an esteemed music college in Boston. Her uncle, who is technically not her uncle so much as her part-time caretaker for when her parents are travelling the country, tells her that her parent’s plane crashed, resulting in their untimely demise.

Not that one’s demise is ever timely…but this plot device–I mean disaster–was particularly ill-timed, being on the day of the big audition.

It’s the kids movie trope where the parents can barely be present during the movie, either because they are dead, busy, or oblivious (i.e. Frozen, Home Alone, Lilo & Stitch, etc…).

Elle’s uncle decides to tell her this in the middle of her audition, because why not destroy her chance to go to her top college? If he had waited, like, 3 minutes the audition would have been over, but no….it’s not only deaths that are ill-timed in this movie.

Elle blames herself. Now, she isn’t think clearly, but that is somewhat accurate because people often blame themselves for things outside their control. The problem here is not that she blames herself, but that she is inconsistent as a character. She wants to abandon her dream because it “killed” her parents, but then she ambitiously tries to get her songs on the radio, and then in almost the next scene she is back to adamantly saying she can’t be a singer. It comes off as unrealistic.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is images
Elle Daniels

Now look at this picture really closely. This is live-action Elle. She looks high schooler age getting ready for college. That’s the magic of the glasses at work. Stay tuned to see her magically age.

Now, back to plot. After informing her of her parents’ deaths, her not-really uncle becomes her actual guardian and she begins to work as an intern for his recording company, Spunn Records. She acts as an assistant for the most obnoxious bubblegum pop trio in the world, Sensation.

Something About A Saturday - Sensation or CHE`NELLE - YouTube

We get to meet Sensation right away, because this Cinderella needs the equivalent of cruel stepsisters. They are laughable at best. Their makeup in the first scene is so poorly done that it looks like I could have done it better (even though I don’t wear makeup.)

They mess up Elle’s name by calling her every E-name that they can think of (Esther, Eleanor, Ellen, etc.). They say “Sensation” in a goofy, over-serious hushed voices. They walk while swinging their hips. I mean, look at the picture above. That is literally how they walk.

They made me wish they had been my childhood bullies because it would have been hilarious.

There are other times that they try to be funny, but it falls flat, such as when one of the girls says:

Does this corset make me look fat? Really? Cuz I had like two M&M’s today.”

Sensation singer

Now that was played for laughs, but if you actually think about it, it’s not a great joke. People with eating disorders probably wouldn’t appreciate that because it’s poking fun at people who are extremely weight-conscious. Of course, I don’t think this movie intended to poke fun at eating disorders, but the message a movie send its audience is important. The message it sends is that this behavior is funny, so you should laugh at it.

Anyway, Elle wants to sing, but her uncle thinks she isn’t ready. Apparently despite being her guardian and knowing her since she was little, he is not aware of the fact that she has talent. Either that, or he does not want her to move on after her parents’ deaths.

He has actual flashbacks to her childhood when he heard her sing, but no, she isn’t ready.

Next we meet Kit, Elle’s best friend, who encourages her to sing anyway.

Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale (2010)
Kit

Elle is not so sure. Because we need more exposition, apparently, Elle says of her relationship with her uncle:

I’m the kid he didn’t ask for, and then has to send to college.”

Elle

Kit has some wild bobbing head movements throughout the movie.

Let’s try a experiment. Pick up your phone. Shake it slowly and repeatedly up and down, side to side. That’s basically the way her head moved the whole time.

She apparently cannot speak without her head moving like a bobblehead. I shall nickname her Miss Bobblehead for the rest of the analysis.

Miss Bobblehead gets such cringy lines as:

It’s like, I get my east wisdom from the east.”

Kit

Not only does that sound super racist, it also is just really dumb. It ruins all the supposed wisdom of her previous comments.

When Elle goes to get the milky coffee, we meet Andy, a guy who takes an awkwardly long time making coffee and acts like Mr. Doodle from Sesame Street.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image-9-1024x500.png

This is when Elle accidentally soaks Stephanie with it. Seriously, that’s the coffee up there. It is disgusting. That has to be like, 99% creamer.

It doesn’t look all that accidental even though it was obviously supposed to be. I mean, Elle certainly has the motive to launch a coffee-powered attack against her, and I wouldn’t have been convinced if Elle said it was an accident.

Anywho, Miss Bobblehead and Mr. Doodle like each other, but instead of saying so they use Elle as an intermediary. Elle is not a good intermediary, because she just lies to help Mr. Doodle out, saying,

He said you should drink more coffee.”

Elle

Of course, since he works at the coffeeshop, that means she would see her more often, so it’s kind of just weak flirting made up by Elle to get the two of them together.

Ty Parker, who is played by Sterling Knight, comes in shortly afterwards for an interview.

Picture of Sterling Knight in Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale -  sterling-knight-1312602158.jpg | Sterling knight, Modern cinderella, Knight
Ty Parker

At this point, my suitemate interjects with:

He’s a precious being.”

Of course, that was a good enough comment to include here. She probably meant he is hot, but my brain doesn’t seem to register hotness. Because like, I don’t think of anyone as hot or attractive. But despite that, considering that characters half decent at acting were rare in this movie, I guess that does make him a precious being.

Anyway, Ty wants to try something new, and Elle’s uncle wants him to sing with Kandi Kane, a popular British singer. Ty is not so sure about this, and leaves without making a decision.

Meanwhile, the Sensation singers ask Elle to help them out with recording the next day, and she believes they want her to sing. Instead, they have her hold sweat towels and fetch water.

Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale (2010) - Rotten Tomatoes

Afterwards, she tries on a bunch of clothes. She takes off her magic glasses, and voila! It’s like she ages at least ten years.

How old she looks is especially odd considering how she becomes the love interest for Ty Parker not long afterwards. (Like we didn’t see that coming.)

All dressed up now, Elle decides to perform in the studio. Little does she know, Ty Parker is spying on her like a creep…I mean just happens to be watching.

She plays a guitar with no hole in it, which looked odd to me for one that isn’t an electric or bass guitar, but apparently it is possible. The hole in the guitar is meant to help it project sound better, but it’s not technically necessary.

The song is actually not bad, and her voice is really good.

Ty Parker loves her voice and thinks she is Kandi Kane. I don’t know why. This is a movie with computers. If he was going to maybe be singing with Kandi Kane but wasn’t sure, why didn’t he look her up to find out more about her? Or even listened to one of her songs? Then he would no Elle’s voice was not Kandi Kane’s.

Elle does nothing to correct him, instead putting on a British accent and following him around on what’s pretty much a date. This is her dream come true. Ty Parker is her childhood celebrity crush. Ty is rich, so he could take her anywhere, but you know how paparazzi are, so he treats her to street food instead.

If you’ve watched Starstruck, Sterling Knight is basically the same character here but with a different name.

Because we need a reminder that this is a Cinderella story, Elle gets a text from her uncle.

Elle it’s midnight. Where are you?”

Elle’s uncle

She kisses Ty Parker and ditches him. The next day, the studio is in an uproar because Elle unknowingly recorded her own song over Sensation’s when she was practicing. Ty doesn’t notice the problem, and instead says that he will definitely sing with Kandi Kane.

Download Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale (2010) YIFY Torrent for 1080p mp4  movie - yify-torrent
The real Kandi Kane?

His actual first meeting with Kandi Kane goes off very poorly. She’s snarky and has a real attitude. It’s clear that their personalities are not compatible from the beginning. This quote is evidence enough:

Kandi Kane is a force of nature. RrrAW!”

Kandi Kane

I want to start using that. “P. A. Wilson is a force of nature. RrrAW!” It’s perfect for the first time I ever meet someone. “RrrAW!!”

Back at the studio, Stephanie breaks into Elle’s laptop. Any time someone comes by, Stephanie uses pathetic hiding skills to disguise herself. She finds out Elle was the one who recorded over Sensation’s song.

But why would that happen? I thought Elle was an intern there for six months? Does she really have no idea how recording equipment works? Wouldn’t she have to know how it works to record her song.

Moving on…

This is Stephanie’s “I’m being sneaky” face.

See Stephanie in that picture above? No, you don’t. She’s hiding. Shh….

Sensation then joins forces with Kandi Kane (the force of nature) to make plans to humiliate Elle.

Ty Parker insists on getting to sing with the first “Kandi Kane” he met, who he doesn’t realize is Elle because she hides behind a big hat when he walks by. I feel like it would be less suspicious if she just wore glasses without the hat, because reverse-aging 10 years makes you less recognizable anyway.

Ty puts on a radio program with a friend, trying to get Elle to call in.

Then Miss Bobblehead and Mr. Doodle bond over Elle’s conundrum, and end up a couple immediately.

The couple then convince Elle to show up at a party where Ty Parker will be. At the party, she plays her song and Ty Parker recognize it.

Cue Kandi Kane and Sensation. They break into Elle’s room and find all her Ty Parker fan girl junk and set it up like a little shrine. It’s meant to horrify Ty, but he is the Prince so instead he is angry at them and goes after Elle.

So they also end up a couple after a little heart-to-heart chat. Ty also convinces Elle to drop the ridiculous idea that she is to blame for her parents’ deaths.

Unfortunately, Kandi Kane threatens to sue Spunn Records and Ty Parker into oblivion if Ty doesn’t go through with his initial plan to record with Kandi Kane.

She also makes him break up with Elle from one of the shortest relationships ever filmed. Elle is so distressed she attacks her hair with her hand. No, not really, but the acting is so overdone that running her hands through her hair looked a tad overzealous.

Elle at this point has given up on glasses all together. I guess she became resigned to the fact she couldn’t use glasses to make herself look younger forever. Or she just didn’t need glasses. Or she did some off-screen shopping for contacts. Overall message–you’re prettier without glasses.

(As someone who wears glasses, I disapprove.)

Then Miss Bobblehead and Mr. Doodle assume that Kandi Kane is involved, with no evidence whatsoever. After sneaking around in the worst acting of the entire show–think preschoolers playing ninja–they frantically whisper and then kiss for no apparent reason.

Soon after, they break into Kandi Kane’s room and find out she’s really from the Southern United States and her name is actually Brenda Smirkle. Not only does she drop the accent and explain the whole thing to her mother, she also has a laptop with her actual name on it.

Miss Bobblehead records the entire phone conversation and tells Elle’s uncle that Brenda Smirkle is not actually Kandi Kane, which makes the contract between the supposed Kandi Kane and Ty Parker is void.

Elle’s uncle also dismisses Sensation on the spot, probably assuming they are involved, again without evidence. Miss Bobblehead then humiliates Stephanie by pulling her hair off–apparently it was a wig.

That seems unnecessarily cruel, especially since Stephanie is so self-conscious about her wig. I mean, what if she lost her hair due to cancer or something? Kit didn’t even have any evidence that Stephanie was involved in the plot. And even if she did, Kit being one of the “good guys” does not justify her doing horrible things.

Elle doesn’t know all of this because she was on her way to Berklee at the time. Miss Bobblehead, Mr. Doodle, and Elle’s uncle show up to see her audition.

Then–gasp–what a shock! Ty Parker shows up for her audition, she wins the approval of admissions, and they are a couple again.

Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale Images | Icons, Wallpapers and Photos on  Fanpop

Again, the music is actually not bad. It is the only thing this movie did right.

If I had to pin down a moral for this story, it would be that glasses make one unappealing (ouch), and that it’s okay to humiliate people, lie, and break into other people’s rooms if you do it for the right reasons.

But wait! It’s not over!

There are still the characters’ post-movie futures to think about. That’s what credits are for, right? I’ve only included the weirdest ones.

For Miss Bobblehead and Mr. Doodle, there was this little nugget of information:

What the heck is undercover dating? Like a blind date where both involved are secret agents or wanted criminals? And how could they be the most successful private investigator service? Is anyone supposed to buy this?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image-18-1024x489.png

Elle’s uncle apparently still doesn’t have time for a girlfriend. It was never established that he didn’t have time for a girlfriend before, but they found the need to point this out as the final word they give about his character.

It seems like something must have been edited out earlier on that would have made this make sense.

Or he was such a flat character they saved all his development for the end.

Then finally, the movie reaches its much-awaited end.

Conclusion

So…that was a bad movie. Thanks to my roommate for making me watch it. I forgive her, because at least it was enjoyable to make fun of the movie afterward.

Don’t watch it. It’s not worth your time. For actually good movies, check out my movie reviews.

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