I meant to scare her away. But it backfired. She just became more interested.
I was the one who suggested we video call. Instant regret. What was I doing? I was going to die this year. I couldn’t make new friends if I was going to fucking die. It wouldn’t be fair.
I said I was schizophrenic, expecting to awaken fear in her. Instead it awakened curiosity, interest, and sympathy.
I said voices scream at me, she asked what they were like.
I said I had a fantasy world, she said tell me more.
I said I had flashbacks to terrible events from the fantasy world, she said that must be traumatic.
I said I hallucinate, she said hallucinate what? And can you tell if they are real? And how vivid are they?
This girl…I tried to chase her away, until somewhere along the line instead of chasing her away I was chasing after her.
Post 8 in Socially Unacceptable: The Daily Life of a Queer Schizophrenic Wreck (2022)
This is an autobiographical series about my life, something I have wanted to do for a long time. I intend to add new content daily.
For the whole series, follow this link.